A Saint's Journey,
to His Garden

Reflections

You’d think that seeing Christ appear to you and many other around you might anchor you.

Perhaps after so many dozens of potent miracles (plus many small-and-simple ones to be sure), that Aaron wouldn’t fall to building a golden calf. What can be learned from this?

1. The Lord isn’t here to condemn us. When he says he’ll destroy the Israelites (Exodus 32:10). Moses petitions on their behalf and the Lord receives his petition. The Lord will not destroy them.
2. You can see the Lord and not be converted. I used to think this was an objective - to see the Lord physically. I prayed for this on my mission. But this is not the way of conversion. The prayer should be to be converted unto the Lord. To spiritually see Him. Remember Laman and Lemuel, who wondered, “How is it possible that the Lord will deliver Laban into our hands?” even after they had just seen an angel who told them, “Behold ye shall go up to Jerusalem again, and the Lord will deliver Laban into your hands.” (1 Nephi 3:28-31).

We Make Our Own Idols

I think it’s very reasonable to say that while at Church, or while with my own children, my own mind can wander to material things. I can dream of getting more money from work. Or having a better opportunity. I can dream of having more, even in the midst of having everything that truly matters. I could be taking the sacrament and thinking, “Man, I wish I could figure out a way to build an app…”

This is exactly what Aaron did. He saw the Lord. Yet he was somehow not there. Perhaps he was there, but quickly forgot. Or, he quickly turned his attention away to wanting to give the people what they want. To solving their problems.

Perhaps Aaron gave up trying to convince them. He just wanted to fit in.

What about Laman and Lemuenl? Why did they have such hard hearts? Aaron wasn’t like that - he was helping Moses in all 10 plagues, and many other times before/after that. He saw it all. I’m guessing he was just a dud.

And we’re all duds. We see with our eyes. We lose focus of our hearts.

When I pray, if I truly believed I was speaking to God, I think I’d approach it differently. Most of the time, I pray because I know I should. But a 10s prayer where you truly know in your mind that you’re communicating with an Omnipotent Being who loves you and is eagerly trying to redeem you is far more valuable than a 3 minute prayer where you say the lip service you’ve practice forever.

So say the 10s prayer. Mean it. Truly connect with God and Heaven. And try not to make Golden Calfs throughout the day thereafter.

Notes

Exodus 19

Exodus 20

Exodus 24

Exodus 24:9-11 Aaron + others see the Lord.

• It was their endowment ()
• The next few chapters (28-30) are about the anointing, washing of Aaron, etc.

Nephi has a similar endowment in 1 Nephi 11:1. He’s caught away into the mountain. And again in 1 Nephi 17:7-9. Mountains - the mountain of the Lord. Height. Elevate.

Exodus 31

Exodus 32

Exodus 32:1-6 Aaron leads the golden calf

• He had just seen the Lord in 24. Quite literally saw the God of Israel. And moments later he’s building the same altar that Msoes made (Exodus 24:5) and “he built an altar before it” (Ex 32.5)

Exodus 32:12-14 - “Wherefore should the Egyptians speak, and say, For mischief did he bring them out, to slay them in the mountains, and to consume them from the face of the earth?”

• Moses wondered “did you bring us here to die?” I like how Moses Challenges the Lord with faith. This type of question, it deserves a name. “Did you bring us here to die?”
• I think I can question the Lord more effectively. Not for the Lord’s sake, as I doubt Moses changed His mind in any way shape or form. But for Moses’ sake, he was able to reason: “it doen’st make sense you’d do this for us…just to smite us here in the middle of nowhere”

Exodus 33

Exodus 34

It’s incredible that 15 miracles happened in 45 days 2026-04-15-april-13-19-stand-still-and-see-the-salvation-of-the-lord-exodus-14-18 and the israelites were still having a hard time knowing where this would all lead.

I traced back the story to Exodus 3-4 to learn exactly how the Lord restored His Gospel through Moses. And the story was surprising. It’s filled with a lot of things.

1. Moses was a runaway murderer
2. The Lord calls him, and to prove it he shows Moses three miracles in addition to the burning bush. Those three miracles are then repeated the next few days in front of Pharaoh and all the Israelites.
3. Moses gets a name to call God so that people know who Moses is trying to point them to
4. They all believe. Then 10 miracles happen and then they wonder “are we here to die?”
5. Moses doubts himself 3-4 times in Ex 3-4. He’s even threatened with death and is only spared by the faith of his wife (who’s wilddly disappointed in him).
6. Moses practiacly says “i’m not going to do this - I don’t have what it takes. I can’t talk” and the Lord replies, “who made mouths?” But perhaps either the Lord wanted Aaron to support moses (two witensses), or he knew Moses just wouldn’t actually do it without the support of his brother. But he calls a support for Moses.
7. Moses then gets the courage and tells the peole “stand still” Exodus 14:13. They then see all the miracles.
8. The people cheer on the other side. they dance. they get out and sing for hours.
9. The people say, “oh no, we can’t drink that water, it’s disgusting”
10. Moses hears the voice of the Lord again to help them.

This is so many miracles in such a short amount of time.

14.26 And said, If thou wilt diligently hearken to the voice of the Lord thy God, and wilt do that which is right in his sight, and wilt give ear to his commandments, and keep all his statutes, I will put none of these diseases upon thee, which I have brought upon the Egyptians: for I am the Lord that healeth thee.

Nephi’s Exodus

We see Nephi and his brothers had a similar exodus. 1 Nephi 17:3 states,

14.3 And thus we see that the commandments of God must be fulfilled. And if it so be that the children of men keep the commandments of God he doth nourish them, and strengthen them, and provide means whereby they can accomplish the thing which he has commanded them; wherefore, he did provide means for us while we did sojourn in the wilderness.

Nephi and his family wandered for 8 years. (17:4). The Lord promised Moses “milk and honey”, and to Nephi “much fruit and also wild honey” (17:5).

Lamand and Lemuel decry, “these many years we have suffered in the wilderness, which time we might have enjoyed our possessions and the land of our inheritance;” (1 Nephi 17:21). What they don’t realize is they’re doing the same thing that the Israelites did. They’re lodging the same complaints.

My takeawy from this is that compalining and murmuring is as old as time itself. Society can get more advanced, but the people will still complain at what God has given them.

Conclusion

• You have the capacity to complain, the same way you have the capacity to have faith.
• The Lord didn’t “harden Pharaoh’s heart” - Joseph Smith Transaltion clearly articulates this - this is the choice of the man himself. This is also the choice of the peple. and it’s the choice of Laman and Lemuel.
• Many miracles culd happen (liek to Laman and Lemuel), but the ability to disbelieve is strong.
• Prophets are weak. They are made strong through the Lord. But he lets them sin because they’re just human. They learn to rely on the Lord.

Choose to believe. Choose to see.

Study

While studying 2026-04-15-april-13-19-stand-still-and-see-the-salvation-of-the-lord-exodus-14-18, I’m seeing how stubborn humans can truly be. I have empathy for the Israelites. They went through a lot. They were being abused. Psychologically, it’d be really hard to leave the only thing they grew up knowing, even if it’s horrible. They’d been in Egypt as slaves for 200-450 years.

But the Lord sought to deliver them. And all they needed was a push from a qualified leader (qualified being: one who follows the Lord), and they followed. They all put the blood on the door frames. They waited patiently.

Then the Lord takes them into a strange wilderness. He shadows them with miracles. They are just so naive that when they get to the water they wonder: did God bring us out here to die?

It’s honestly a fair question - they didn’t know a lot about God. We don’t know much about what they knew. They were in apostasy.

And here they are, following a miraculous fire pillar, after Moses did 10 miracles they couldn’t have comprehended (who knows, I’m just speculating). Here they are: “are we just going to die?”

Yet the Lord teaches them: While you might wonder if I did all this work just to bring you here to die, I’m here to teach you: walk.

Moses also says “stand still”, which is funny because the next verse the Lord says “go forth”.

I think both can be true - I think we can stand still in our faith in Christ. But we can also take perspective in that the Lord isn’t going to take away our doubts. Our fears. He’s just going to say “walk”. Or as He say to Enoch, “Go forth” (Moses 6:31-33). Our doubts will always be there. It’s not a bad thing. It’s how we’re made through the fall (Moses 4:16-17). We’re ashamed. We hide. Even if we’ve seen God Almighty, we cover ourselves in shame.

Despite this, the Lord sees our shame, and gives us clothing (Moses 4:27). He gives us light through the pillars (Exodus 13:21-22). He protects our flanks with water Exodus 14:29.

Why? Exodus 14:30-31 states, “Thus the Lord saved Israel that day out of the hand of the Egyptians; and Israel saw the Egyptians dead upon the sea shore. And Israel saw that great work which the Lord did upon the Egyptians: and the people feared the Lord, and believed the Lord, and his servant Moses.” They saw the consequences of not following the Lord. They saw that the Lord had chosen them (perhaps they were in severe doubt, as we’ll see for the rest of the bible). And they believed. This is what they needed, and they believed.

Conclusion

Doubts are natural. They’re human. They’re consequences of an instinctual misunderstanding of how God operates.

Miracles can happen whenever, but they usually are recognized during deep conflict. All miracles are the acts of God, and when God acts, he heals, repairs, empowers. Thus, he changes, and what we once were was miserable, but what we become is inexpressibly beautiful.

I’ve recently been called as a Sunday School teacher, and thought: now’s the time to get the website up and running.

One thing that’s special about building a website is the excitement that comes from having a place to share your thoughts. I love sharing what I’m learning. By no means is anything in here of value to people outside of me, but I find it’s valuable to have a meaningful way to liken the scriptures to myself.

23 And I did read many things unto them which were written in the books of Moses; but that I might more fully persuade them to believe in the Lord their Redeemer I did read unto them that which was written by the prophet Isaiah; for I did liken all scriptures unto us, that it might be for our profit and learning. (1 Nephi 19:23)

It’s also exciting because I’ve been doing this for 10 years almost. I’ve used tools like Obsidian or a variety of other apps to try to buidl my own blog. They’ve worked for a time then failed. Once I found Astro, I decided my search was over and I could finally build the site I wanted to build. Markdown, Obsidian, yaml front matter - it’s all that I need.

Other reasons I’m doing this blog:

• Structure my thinking - writing publicly helps me remember it 10x more than if I’m writing it just in a personal digital journal.
• Write for an audience (I’m writing to you). This helps me share as I’m learning.
• Create a searchable history of my scripture study. This helps me recall and remember.
• Hopefully write something that’s of benefit to someone else. This helps me fulfill my purpose on earth.